stomach wasn't feeling well right now, maybe is due to the vodkas yesterday night. wasn't really in a good mood afterall elina called. after each conversation with her, i always had this 'i want to go and die' feeling. yesterday was worse, after what we had talked about on the phone. so down came the beers and vodkas. is strange that i had to be drunk in order to tell her that i hate her. i hated her for showing me concerns till now. for what, i don't need your bloody sympathy. i don't want you to still care for me. you know why? because the more you care the more i hurt. you still treat me as a friend. why? because i was someone you knew in the past or because you pity me? if really can, i hope that you would just go back to US with skye.

i drink because i want to piss you off. ya make you so fed up with me so you can continue live happily ever after with skye. please don't care about me can. i finally say to her that we should keep a distance away from each other. i can't bear with it but i know i had to do it.

you wanted someone who can lead you but i only want someone who can walk beside me. you wanted a man but i am a boy only. call me childish or immature if you wan but that's kind of relationship i really want.

i love you with all my heart. Thank you for taking it away.

can you just leave me alone and let me die myself?